I tell parents this ALL the time. When I was a student pastor, I discovered a funny thing about students: they often think adults have it all together. Why? Because adults spend a lot of time CORRECTING them. (Now, this doesn't mean you should stop correcting your student. After all, they’re teenagers, and their prefrontal cortex—the brain’s decision-making headquarters—is still a work in progress. So yes, keep guiding them!) Adults in students' lives are usually the ones dishing out advice, correcting behavior, and helping out. And believe it or not, students still look up to these relationships.
Another discovery I made was students have a difficult time seeing past their failures. Young minds have limited perspective because whatever they're facing, it's possibly for the first time. What if they knew what was going to happen? That's where YOU come in.
If you really want to grab your kids' attention, share some of your failures. Yes, your failures. I know it sounds scary. But tell them what you did at that party in 8th grade. Tell them about that mailbox you blew up in 10th grade. Tell them about that...you get it! Be embarrassed in front of them, so what. Trust me, the benefits far outweigh the fear. Plus, who doesn’t love a good "I messed up" story?
It builds rapport: Sharing personal stories of failure helps create a stronger, more relatable connection.
It builds trust: Being open about your mistakes shows honesty and integrity, which fosters trust. Trust is the currency inside the bank of their heart and the more trust you put in that bank, the deeper the conversation and they will hide less things from you.
It humanizes adults: Kids see you as more than just an authority figure; they see you as a real person who’s been through similar struggles.
It fosters conversation: Talking about failures can open up dialogues that are more meaningful and in-depth.
It opens the door to future “harder” conversations: Establishing this level of openness makes it easier to tackle tougher topics down the road.
We often view our failures negatively, but they can play a crucial role in building better relationships with our kids.
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